Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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