Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
