question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
tell me about the eggs
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
