forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
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Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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