Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
