I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
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