i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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