The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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