His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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