Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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