You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
