the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We had sex on a dog bed..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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