So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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