It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
