Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
