I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
