She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
