I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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