You really coming over, don't trick.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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