you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
