U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
