i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
