I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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