Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
