I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
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He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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