Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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