you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
