So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
