Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
