i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
