I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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