Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
