someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize