he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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