That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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