woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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