Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
