So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
