One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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