I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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