So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
