8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
