Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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