haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
