i don't like sucking hair
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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