I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
