she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
