I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
a search helicopter?!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
