She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Blood and glitter go together right?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
