i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
