at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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