I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
