planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
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Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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