By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
