he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
