Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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