Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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