A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
