Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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