Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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