During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I said "one day" and that day is not today
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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