What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
