yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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