people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
