Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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