holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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