Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
