I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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