how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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