Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
