You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
