It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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