true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
