i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
