if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
